he/him

13 Feb 2025

Sharing pronouns has been an important aspect of the fight for trans and nonbinary rights and recognition. Trans and nonbinary individuals deserve to be addressed with their correct pronouns and recognized as the gender they are. And if that were the only benefit, that would be enough. But I want to take a moment to write about another reason why sharing my pronouns has been important for me, personally.

I have always been shorter than average for a white man, and I have occasionally grown my hair long. As a result, I have often been misgendered, accidentally and intentionally. Questioning my masculinity was an easy way to bully me as a child and police my behavior.

I spent a lot of my life self-censoring. Cutting my hair a certain length. Avoiding certain cuts of clothing and not wearing certain colors. Speaking a certain way. Running a certain way. Not showing certain emotions. Doing what I could to present as a “manly” man who could be identified as such from a distance.

It is only as I have gotten older that I’ve allowed myself to care less about whether the way I look is viewed as “masculine” to other people. As I have found love, found true friends, and found supportive and inclusive communities to belong to, I’ve gained confidence that the people important in my life know who I am and I don’t have to prove anything to anyone else.

My name is Derek Houck and my pronouns are he/him. I share my pronouns not only to support the trans and nonbinary folks I love, but also because bullies and bigots do not get to define what a man looks like. A man can be short. A man can have long hair. A man can wear a kilt or a skirt or a dress.

A good man takes the time to learn someone else’s gender and respects it.